moonstrualcycle | no running in the halls!

[why u do dis, Lea. some of those very bad thoughts include "maybe Xemnas was onto something with that whole 'hearts are just pain' melodrama" and "why were we all trying so hard to get this back". but it's just been a long stressful rollercoaster of a day and she's still tired. she goes rigid again for a second when Lea hugs her, and then sighs and goes limp against her. Lea does good hugs for such a pointy person.]

Tell me this evens out eventually. There's not a handbook for this somewhere around here, is there?

For what, Hearts? Or dealing with all the bad shit you went through?

[ She's not letting go until Isa gets pushy. You are now warned. ]

You already know how to do this, or you wouldn't be on the beach with me in the future.

All of it. And if it was just you on the beach it would be another matter entirely. It's easy to forget that you're used to not having a heart when you're goofing around with a bunch of friends.

[most of this is grumbled over Lea's shoulder in a gloomy tone. Isa's getting complainy and morose, which is a sure sign that she needs to be put to bed. she can have a decent cry to herself in the shower in the morning, that'll help too.]

Yeah. You're right, it is. Then it hits you all at once, right?

[ She knows. It's not the same, not the same trauma or ways they spent their years. But she knows how that felt, and it's close. She reluctantly lets go, but she doesn't pull away further than she has to to see Isa's face. ]

[Isa's face looks tired and grumpy, her scar crinkled slightly between her eyebrows. but she manages a brief little smile, because it does feel nice to have someone worrying over her, and it's still kind of a novelty seeing Lea's dumb face without them being on opposite sides.]

Yeah, it sucks. One out of five, very awful, can't recommend.

[ This is still a lot for Lea, and she'll probably blow up in her typical fashion for trying to cope with things she's not sure how to deal with, but that'll be later. Right now she is to worried about Isa. She stares into her eyes a little longer, then straightens up. ]

I missed your jokes. You look like you need to rest. We can watch something if you wanna sit down for a while, or go back to bed?

Sleep sounds good. I'd fall asleep on you for anything else, then you'd have to carry me again.

[at some point their crying fits will have to sync up, just by the laws of probability. that, and/or i foresee impulsive kissing or hissy fits in the future. right now though, Isa's just being dead weight to be a nuisance. get me some jammies, mom.]

When you fall asleep on my couch I'm leaving you there.

[ But in most other instances, yes, she would carry Isa to the bed and be a Good Friend. Also, probably all of that is going to happen in the near future. Maybe this thread. Maybe we'll just start another one after a timeskip. It is a mystery. ]

Do you wanna borrow my clothes or should I go find you something to sleep in?

[ There's a little anxiety, because she's still scared that if she leaves Isa will just... disappear. ]

I can borrow for now, tomorrow you can find me a magic closet that might contain clothes and might contain I don't know what else.

[well, come on, we'll be anxious together somewhere more comfortable. bluh, moving. bluh, changing clothes. she does go ahead and toe out of her shoes right here, that's easy enough, and doesn't involve letting go of Lea's hand.]

Over here then. No magic closets this way.

[ There's just a clothes rack and an open trunk somewhere in her bedroom, and both of them are a disaster. What does she want, a big t-shirt for sleeping, or a thin tank top? Lea doesn't believe in proper pajamas, except for fun, patterned pj bottoms.

That's fine, too. She's not letting go of Isa's. ]

[Isa says :| to the clothing situation. also she'd probably want a big t-shirt but i want a tanktop for reasons which include boobs and also biceps.]

I'd think if one would be anywhere it would be yours, so that's a shame.

I wish I had one. One big, magically self-cleaning closet.

[ Do it. Pick the tanktop. It's gonna either fit perfectly or be too tight and neither of these are bad outcomes. Lea will walk her right over to the clothes and start shoving things at her. ]

[if they both have to change for bed this would be the perfect time for Isa to sneak a peek and instead get an eyeful of that sick scar Lea presumably has on her side, because we totally need to max out angst before timeskipping or moving to a new thread.

god. maybe the clothing shit is first on the cleaning list, this is terrible. Lea's getting the Face of Judgement, but Isa will accept the really ideal pj pants that are thrust at her and which, let's be honest, probably didn't exist in Lea's clothing until this second. all she's seeing for tops is tanktops which isn't great rn but it's fine. this is fine.]

You'd never learn if everything cleaned itself.

[ She sees the face but doesn't understand what it's for, and so replies with a perplexed look. What?? What's wrong with her clothes?? ]

What do I need to learn? You like those?

[ The pants, she means. She reluctantly lets go of Isa's hand before it gets weird, and goes over to the bed to grab the sleepy comfortable clothes she was wearing before. Why is she gonna dirty new clothes? ]

[Lea's idea of messy is very different from Isa's idea of messy, that's what's wrong. ~~tbh Isa sometimes wishes she could like, chill the fuck out about messes and chaos, but alas.~~ well, if Lea's going to go change then Isa'll get on with it, skimming out of her jacket and pants, and the long-sleeved shirt she had on under the jacket.]

Being an adult, or something resembling one, that's what.

[the "you ultimate goober" goes unspoken. into pj pants she goes, because they're blue and have dogs on them so of course she likes them, and she frowns at the tanktop for not being more fabric, but puts it on, shivering slightly. time to just. peek over her shoulder to see what state Lea's in, because fuck.]

And what, you think you'll do that?

[ Well, she wasn't gonna chance with Isa right there, but when she starts stripping her jacket and stuff Lea turns away to chagnge her own clothes. Not like they haven't seen each other naked, before and after losing their hearts. The pants are the first to go, swapped out for the loose cotton pants she was wearing before. (They're green, with a hedgehog pattern.)

The shirt was the second to go, so since she was delayed it's not on yet, which means Isa gets an eye full of Lea's bare back, or what she can see under the mess of hair. Is it longer than it was last time she saw her? Probably.

The only other thing of note is the scar in the middle of her side, jagged and sharp and creeping upwards on her front and back. ]

[oh. at first she can't think what that scar could be from, and then she realizes, hazily. anything that happens while she's berserked is fuzzy, if it's there at all, but she remembers Kai in a cell, and Axel taking the bait, as if she could do anything else. they fought, and then it goes indistinct, until her brain helpfully provides a crystal-clear vision of slamming Lunatic's edge into Axel's side, hard enough to crack ribs and tear through muscle. it takes her own breath away, and she probably makes some little distressed noise. by the time she can find it in her to move to Lea's side, Lea will absolutely have her own tanktop on, so no worries there.

what do, Lea, when your friend seems to be trying to get that piece of clothing back off of you, or at least up a bit?]

[ Well if it were a hypothetical she'd say she doesn't know, but since it appears to be a reality she's trying not to fall over. The noise was a little concerning but very much not familiar, so she hadn't immediately whipped around while the shirt was caught in her hair over hear head, and once she's got it on Isa's already there, trying to take it back off, and Lea has to wobble and brace the backs of her legs against the bed to keep from pinwheeling down. ]

What? What? What is it? Isa?!

[jesus, chill, you ninny. it's not like some sort of assault is happening here; Isa just bunches the fabric up on one side, high enough to be able to see most of the scar. as she touches it gently, her memories supply the sound it made when Lunatic connected, and the sound Lea made, and she flinches back as if struck but doesn't remove her hand.]

I did that.

[ No. Wild arm movements and overreactions are her native language. Once she figures out that there's not a tarantula on her body or something she looks even more confused, and then it all hits at once and she freezes. Fuck. This is just one disaster after another. She covers Isa's hand with her own, trying to block more of the scar from view. ]

No. You didn't.

[why would there be a tarantula, Red isn't interested in normal people, just Riku. Isa doesn't fight the scar being covered, and in fact lets go of the bunched fabric of Lea's tanktop. she's not having another freakout, at least, she's just... sad. sad that it happened, sad that they were driven to fight each other, sad that she was ever at any point so enraged that she could wound Lea that badly. she doesn't do sad as well as Lea does, everything on her face is too subtle for that, but it's still obvious.]

I did, and I shouldn't have.

We shouldn't have been in a position where we fought to begin with. But I went rogue, and didn't leave you with any information. I betrayed the Organization. What were you going to do, follow me and get them after you too? Besides, you were berserk.

[ Sure, it hurt. It hurt worse than anything else she's been through, physically and emotionally, and it helped contribute to her death a little while later. But she's not going to say that. It's been years, for her, and after she came back in Radiant Garden and saw it... well, it was proof of everything that went wrong. It was proof Isa had changed past the point of coming back. But she's standing here now, living, undeniable proof that that was wrong. ]

[what the fuck is this, a Lea who's honestly stabler and more mature about some things than Isa? unheard of. Isa grumbles a little, because berserk is no excuse, and because technically it is still Roxas and (redacted)'s fault that Axel got distracted from their plans and then bailed for reasons. she wraps her arms around herself, chilled in this piece of clothing with no sleeves. this sucks. the whole thing sucks even though it's a lot better now.]

The whole thing was a bad idea and I don't know how either of us made it out.

[ Really, Lea has two modes: happy goofball who wants everyone to know who she is and remember her, and Axel. That part of her formed directly as a result of losing her heart, and adapting to everything that came with it. She was Axel when she was in Castle Oblivion, and for a long time before. Roxas is the one who brought her back, but it's still part of her. It's the part she's been trying to shake off ever since she came back with her Heart, and the part she tried to redeem herself from by helping Sora. That's not who she wants to be anymore, but it's also a coping mechanism, to deal with all the shitty things they had to deal with after a horrible cycle of manipulation and grooming into killers and vessels.

But it helps when she needs to focus on the bad shit, and tell herself that it wasn't her fault. In this case, she needs to tell Isa.

Does she mean going rogue, or fighting? Lea assumes it's one of the two, and rolls her shoulders, which have become stiff and defensive. ]

Not like either one of us ever knew any of it would go this far. I didn't have anything left for the Organization at that point. Did you think I didn't know it would be you coming after me?

[now Isa has her head tilted down aggressively, something she doesn't even realize she does, like a ram getting ready to charge. Lea accidentally tapped one of the remaining wells of bitterness in Isa, and Isa's gonna be really upset about it in a few minutes.]

Which time? It would've been easy enough to just come back and say you hadn't been able to find Roxas, and let Sora take it from there while we got back to our plan. But no, you had to keep trying to get her back, at the risk of my possibly killing you. It was all for nothing anyway, I needn't have bothered trying to keep you on the run so it wouldn't come down to that, since you went and died for Sora's sake. Do you have any idea what that was like, being the last one left standing besides Xemnas?

[sorry about these non-sequiteurs. and the real kicker was that Xemnas never even knew a single thing about Subject X's fate. it hasn't even occurred to Isa that one of the other apprentices might've known.]

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